Writing about a disorder

Opening up about deeply private struggles is never easy, but seeking support is a vital step toward healing. I am choosing to share my journey with bulimia nervosa in the hope that it sheds light on this often-hidden battle.

An Unexpected Discovery

Realizing I was suffering from an eating disorder came in the most unexpected way. It began while watching the fourth season of the Netflix series The Crown. During an episode depicting the tumultuous relationship between Prince Charles and Princess Diana, I watched Diana sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to binge on desserts, only to rush to the bathroom afterward to make herself sick.

That scene struck a chord. I visited the mental health resource website mentioned by the show—wannatalkaboutit.com—where I first encountered the term “bulimia nervosa.” Reading through the symptoms and behavioral patterns felt like staring into a mirror; it perfectly detailed what I had been living through over the past year.

Living in Denial

Despite this nagging realization, I initially brushed it off. I hoped a comprehensive medical check-up I had taken the previous December would somehow explain what I was feeling physically. When the results came back completely normal, I was left with more questions than answers.

When the pandemic hit, I found myself isolated in Bangalore. The lack of social interaction, the constant fear of the virus, and the collective sorrow of the world weighed heavily on me. I turned to binge-eating as an escape from the chaos outside. I would consume food until I physically couldn’t take another bite, which inevitably led to me vomiting everything back up. The physical pain was intense, and though I knew something was deeply wrong, I still couldn’t piece it all together.

Reaching a Breaking Point

At first, I convinced myself it was a severe food allergy and tried eliminating certain ingredients. While this gave me a temporary illusion of control, my weight continued to climb. By October, I had reached 93 kilograms—a seven-kilogram increase since March.

That was the turning point that pushed me to finally consult a therapist. During our session, the word “bulimia” was gently brought to the table. While the official diagnosis was overwhelming, it finally offered me clarity and a tangible path toward the right treatment.

Looking Forward

Ultimately, acknowledging our personal struggles—no matter how terrifying they may seem—is crucial. Seeking professional support and guidance is the first empowering step toward understanding and overcoming those challenges.

(To be continued)